I love my furniture

Me and my recliner go way back

👍

Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced.

Melinda got the house
But Bill kept the Windows 😬

A gentleman died and arrived in hell. He was met by the Devil and was told that in the new kinder gentler hell, each person is offered three choices of torture. The Devil explained that these tortures run in 1,000-year cycles and you could pick which cycle to begin with.

The Devil took the man to the first room where a man was hung up by his feet and was being whipped with chains. The man said he did not think that was where he wanted to start.

They proceeded to the next room where a man was hung up by his arms and was being whipped by a Cat-O-Nine Tails. The man also declined this form of torture.

The third room had a man strapped to the wall naked and a very beautiful young blonde woman was using her mouth to perform a sex act upon him. The man told the Devil this is more like it, and this was the one he wanted.

The Devil said "Are you sure? It lasts for a thousand years!" The man assured him that this was the punishment he wanted.

So the Devil walked over to the young woman and said, "You can go now, I've found your replacement."

I'm trying to remove all the walked-in emulsion that has been on the wood flooring under carpets. One room and hall already been done by a plumber who has gone on to pastures new and I've been trying without success. So far I've used steel wool with white spirit, sandpaper and white spirit, sander, very hot flannel and scraper and achieved nothing. I've tried oiling to see if it will darken but not happening. Sanding has driven the emulsion into the cracks, I think. Every room covered by carpet is the same, how anyone can be so idle as to walk paint through the whole ground floor is beyond me. Believe the woodblock is original l960s. Not looking for perfection but would rather not put another carpet over it.

People are usually shocked when they find out I am not a very good electrician 💥

Now on ch 5. looks interesting.

https://www.fr24news.com/a/2021/07/eu-decision-to-ban-lavender-sparks-frexit-call-in-france-hands-off-our-lavender-world.html

More than half of Covid hospitalisations are patients who only tested positive after admission, leaked data reveal....
The newspapers are full of headlines to distrust data...over a year late.
What do you think, and who do you believe? Journalists or politicians?

This was the name given to the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima on 6 August 1945.

It was originally intended for Berlin, but the European war ended in May 1945 and the bomb was not ready at that time.
The Germans should be thankful the Russians got there first.

...

Did you know you can’t use
Beefsoup as a password!

It’s not Stroganoff
😳

...

A burglar broke in and stole my coffee, my lamp and my parrot 🦜

I don’t know how they sleep at night 😂

Hi
I grow various herbs from seed in flowerpots on my kitchen window ledge.
I grew some basil a while ago using a variety called Picolino.
Only two plants grew in the pot even though I sowed a lot more seeds.
The picture on the seed packet showed normal sized basil leaves but the two plants were like bonsai basil, with a very large number of very tiny leaves, which looked very attractive as a pot plant.
I eventually harvested these and sowed another pot.
The pot is the same size and type, with the same type of compost, in the same location and I sowed seeds from the same packet as before. They're watered the same amount as before with the same frequency.
BUT
This time the plants are normal sized.
Do any of you know why there's a difference between the two sowings?

Pot boiler stones are still found in Norfolk. Are there any reports of finding some in your area?

Does this ad mean what I think it does ?

In all the masses of information I have seen since WW2, I have never heard or seen this fact in my entire life and only discovered it on the web today.

Hitler was a very accomplished painter and the proof that this story is factual to me, is that two of Hitler's signed paintings were found in the Mother's attic after her death.

You can Google for Hitler's son on the web and you will find many amazing links. I give these two just as an example -

https://tinyurl.com/422pksp5

https://tinyurl.com/ysjxuvhf

Interesting report how to do it. How times have changed the outlook and actions of people.

https://www.eyamvillage.org.uk/plague

A man goes to confession. "Forgive me father for I have sinned." He begins.
"Go on my son." says the priest.
"I swore the other day, in the most profane way." says the man.
"Continue." says the priest.
"I was on the golf course and I hit my drive, it was looking perfect, heading dead straight. About 200 yards down my ball hit a power line crossing the fairway." "And this is when you swore?" asked the priest.
"No father, my ball then ricocheted of the power lines and flew off into the deep rough." said the man. "Ah, so this must have been when you swore." Said the priest.
"No father, not yet. As I was walking over to the rough to hit my second shot a hawk flew down from the trees, picked my ball up in his beak and proceeded to fly off with it." continued the man. "Ahhh I see." says the priest "This MUST have been the point where you swore."
"You'd thinks so but no, because as the bird flew over the green the ball fell from its mouth and landed just two feet from the hole."


They both remain quiet for a few seconds, then the priest says: "You missed the bloody putt, didn't you?"

Continuing

Another Gold in the 4 x 200m freestyle swimming.

A Silver in the rowing

And two Bronzes . One for the women’s gymnastics team and the other in the Dressage.

... Surely there should be no problem letting them live in the UK safely!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-57990020.amp

Enjoy

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMd7VtYSU/

☺️

An Airbus 380 is on it's way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it?"

"Now have a look here !"

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now you look !"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?"

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?" The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the bathroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.

The moral of the story is:

When you are young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great.

But as you get older and wiser you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, but Smarter.

Dedicated to 'All My Friends' who are like me, now realising that it is time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.
😊🤓

An Indian named Brown Elk walked into the Irish Bar.
He was a giant of a man with a six-shooter tucked into his belt, so no one dared ask why he was carrying a pail of manure in one hand and a small cat in the other:
"I'll have a whiskey." He told the bartender and after downing the shot, Brown Elk, ordered another.
Then another.
Finally, after his fourth drink, the Indian pulled out his revolver, fired several shots into the bucket, released the cat, then ran after it. When he caught it, he returned to the bar.
"E-excuse me." Said the alarmed bartender, serving him a drink on the house. "But would you mind telling me what that was all about?"
"My father told me to try and be more like white man." He answered.
"So, I came here to have a few drinks, shoot the shit and chase a little pussy." 🤣😂🤣😂

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMd79jojG/

click on

This really made me sad. Those poor children treated like they were worthless.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-57984924

I hope this is accurate

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/uk-coronavirus-pandemic-over-september-vaccines-neil-ferguson-b947801.html

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, gently caress my wife as she lays there and whisper, 'Fancy a cuddle luv?'

...and she's always sound asleep.

Asda are out of stock of half cucumbers but have whole ones - never heard of knives ?

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdWccHd4/

This foursome has teed off every Saturday morning for the past three years. One of the guys was a most remarkable player. He would play left-handed for a couple of weeks, and the next week he would play right-handed with equal skill.

His one annoying fault was that every couple of months or so he would be twenty minutes late to tee off.

One morning, after this guy had landed his second shot just two feet from the pin, one of the others said. "I can't stand it any longer! Jesse, what's with switching sides, right to left? Why do you do that?"

"Well, I tell ya. Every Saturday morning when I wake up, I turn over and look at my wife in the bed next to me. If she's sleeping on her right side, then I tee off right-handed. If she's on her left side, then I play left-handed."

"A Ha! But what if she's on her back?"

"That's when I'm twenty minutes late!"

Excuse the language

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdWcmaQw/

I will be keeping mine on 😳

I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder." 😁

The Anti Vax brigade are still at it!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-57928647.amp

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/flash-floods-leave-cars-underwater-24613513

Looks terrifying.

Has anyone signed up for theirs. I have! It wasn’t the easiest thing to do
After putting in all my details in it then asked me to make a video saying some numbers they sent me by text. (Identification verification) . Not everyone will have to do this.
I have my ‘bar code’ ( QR code) pass until the end of August. Don’t know what happens after that - maybe it automatically renews if I continue doing regular lateral flow tests! Or maybe just relies on my two vaccines.

Edit: update
I now know that the online date automatically updates every time you sign in to the nhs app. So no need to renew.

A young lady decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the girl begins to slip from the saddle, in terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip, she tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horses' pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...the Shopping Mall manager sees her and switches the horse off.

How is the weather in your area? Here it has been grey like Autumn for a few days. Sometimes the sun tries to break through but not strong enough.
Last evening I noticed -no- birds around only the pigeons cooing which drives me b..... crazy. It was very eery. Reminded me of when we had an eclipse.
What do you think?

My thoughts are the same....

Don't do it Harry - that's my advice to Prince Harry on publishing his memoirs.

Oh Harry, I used to be hot-headed like you, wanting to take revenge on those who had shown me injustice. I'd go like a bull in a china shop, ignoring wise advice from those who see the bigger picture and the long-term effects.

Sadly, while it feels good to "release your truth", ultimately, it's the people you love who get hurt. Harry, as a father of two, please don't deny them a relationship with their wider family members just because you have an axe to grind.

Please only share your truth from a place of happiness, consolidation and maturity. To launch a book which could cause embarrassment for our Queen in the year of her Platinum Jubilee celebrations is just not cool.

Put your family first.

Pat and Dick were recently promoted in the army from Privates to Lance Corporals.
Whilst they were out for a walk Dick says to Pat, "Hey Pat, there's the NCO's Mess. let’s step inside for a drink". Pat replies,  "But we're only Privates."

Dick replies, "We're Lance Corporals now." pointing to his stripe and pulled Pat inside. After convincing Pat it was ok, they order their beers.

After a couple of drinks an army lass approaches Dick and says, 'You're cute and I would love to go on a date with you but I have a bad case of gonorrhoea.'  So Dick says to Pat, " Pat, find out what Gonorrhoea is and if it’s OK give me the thumbs up."
Pat does what he is asked and after looking it up in the dictionary, he gives Dick a big thumbs up sign.

Three weeks later Dick is in the infirmary with a terrible case of Gonorrhoea, Dick says to Pat,  "Why the hell did you give me the big thumbs up?"

Pat replies, "Well Dick, in the dictionary it said, Gonorrhoea affects only the privates and we're Lance Corporals now."

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.

Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. For dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further add to his stress.

Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse.

Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs.

Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim.

If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your Husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.