• Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 10 days ago
    The donkey told the tiger, "The grass is blue." The tiger replied, "No, the grass is green ." The discussion became heated, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, so they approached the lion. As they approached the lion on his throne, the donkey started screaming: ′′Your Highness, isn't it true that the grass is blue?" The lion replied: "If you believe it is true, the grass is blue." The donkey rushed forward and continued: ′′The tiger disagrees with me, contradicts me and annoys me. Please punish him." The king then declared: ′′The tiger will be punished with 3 days of silence." The donkey jumped with joy and went on his way, content and repeating ′′The grass is blue, the grass is blue..." The tiger asked the lion, "Your Majesty, why have you punished me, after all, the grass is green?" The lion replied, ′′You've known and seen the grass is green." The tiger asked, ′′So why do you punish me?" The lion replied, "That has nothing to do with the question of whether the grass is blue or green. The punishment is because it is degrading for a brave, intelligent creature like you to waste time arguing with an ass, and on top of that, you came and bothered me with that question just to validate something you already knew was true!" The biggest waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn't care about truth or reality, but only the victory of his beliefs and illusions. Never waste time on discussions that make no sense. There are people who, for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand. Others who are blinded by ego, hatred and resentment, and the only thing that they want is to be right even if they aren’t. When IGNORANCE SCREAMS, intelligence moves on.
    See 11 comments...
  • Derek the ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he's doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It’s people like you that make others think that all Blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general ... pathetically all in the name of humour!" Derek all embarrassed begins to apologise, and the blonde yells: "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!"
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 16 days ago
    On this day, 20 years ago: 246 people went to sleep, knowing they had a flight in the morning. 2,606 people went to sleep in preparation for work in the morning. 343 firefighters went to sleep knowing they might fight a fire and save a life the next day. 60 police officers went to sleep in preparation for morning patrol. 8 paramedics went to sleep before their morning shift. None of them saw past 9:59am on Sept 11, 2001. In one single moment, life would never be the same for thousands of Americans, foreigners visiting America, their families, friends and strangers, both in America and around the world. Tonight before you go to sleep, in preparation for your day tomorrow, and to honour those who perished, please consider making the decision to never take one second of your life for granted. NOT ONE SECOND. Be kind - Love intensely - Work hard - Volunteer - Make every day count - Never regret growing older, it’s a privilege that was denied to so many. God bless those who perished, bless their families and friends and never, ever forget.
    See 2 comments...
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 26 days ago
    An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!" Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen." From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen." This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93. Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!" The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest. But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know why you're laughing; your wife fell three times last week!!..
    See 8 comments...
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 28 days ago
    Declan, Mick and Steve entered their local pub’s weekly raffle and to their surprise, they each won a prize: Declan a bottle of whisky, Mick a large turkey and Steve a toilet brush. The next week, they met again in the pub and talked about their prizes. Declan extolled the pleasures of his smooth Scotch whisky, while Mick reported that the turkey was the most delicious he had ever tasted. Steve looked rather glum and when asked about the toilet brush. ‘It wasn’t that great,’ he said. ‘I think I’ll go back to using paper.’
    See 11 comments...
  • Sid's wife,Mary, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks him - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Sid replied... "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell him his reward, he stops her by saying: "WHOA, hold on there sweetie... I haven't added them up yet!" P.S - Please let us know if you've seen him, we're very worried.
  • Pat staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.   A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Pat sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.   He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Pat woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room. She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?' Pat said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?' 'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
  • Pat and Mike were walking along a street in London. Pat looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye. The sign read: "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £3.00 each, Trousers £4.50 per pair". Pat said to his pal, "Mike look at these prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back home we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from the country and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent." "Right you are Pat, I'll keep me mouth shut, so you do all the business" said Mike. They go in and Pat said in a posh voice "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £3.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £4.50 each. And I’ll back up the truck ready to load them on." The owner of the shop said quietly "You're from the country aren't you?" "Well yes," said a surprised Pat. "What gave it away?" The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 1 month ago
    Asked me to log in , normally auto. Extremely sluggish in loading. When posting takes ages then says cannot post for tech reasons, then finds it's posted anyway. Anyone else. Android app.
    See 15 comments...
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 1 month ago
    From my friends camping site in Canada.
    See 5 comments...
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 1 month ago
    Way back in January I purchased two coach tickets for £136.00 for a local Christmas Spectacular at Thursford. Because of my wifes deteriorating condition which meant that she would not be able to get onto the coach or be able to see the show when we got there, so I decided to cancel . I phoned the company and asked to cancel, they did say could I give them away but I thought that I would rather not have the hassle and cancel anyway, I asked what the cancellation fee was and he said he didn’t know so I cancelled anyway. Big mistake!!! Today I recieved a cheque for £45.00 ! the cancellation charge was £91.00 and they had 132 days to resell the tickets for a highly sought after show. I am livid.
    See 18 comments...
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 1 month ago
    Mary had lunch with 2 of her unmarried friends. Joan is engaged,Sinead is a mistress, and she, the third one, had been married to Pablo for 20+ years. They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here’s how it all went. Her engaged friend Joan: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams…I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long. The mistress Sinead: 'Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we made wild love all night.' Then Mary had to share her story: 'When my husband Pablo came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said, “What’s for dinner, Zorro?”'
    See 1 comment...
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 1 month ago
    Long ago, Steve the farmer, out in his pasture in, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow... right in his crotch; writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the village doctor. He said, "How bad is it Doc? I'm getting married next week and my fiance, Mary, is still a virgin - in every way." "Well I'll have to put it in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight." Said the doctor. "It should be okay next week, but leave it on there as long as you can." He took four tongue depressors and formed a little 4 sided splint, and roped it all together. Quite an impressive work of art. Steve mentioned none of this to Mary, married her, and celebrated all night drinking. After the feast, he carried her to his house. As they got inside, Mary ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said, "Steve...you're the first one! NO one has EVER seen these." Steve dropped his pants and replied, "Look at this Mary. Still in the packing !
    See 1 comment...
  • The doctor said, "Paul, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Paul was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Paul laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Paul tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Paul admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Paul thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Paul and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Paul was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"Paul tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Paul  adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Paul was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Paul's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Paul was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Paul tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. He walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Paul thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Paul's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36." Paul laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
    Down river from the falls
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 1 month ago
    A young girl Maggie, started  work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives. "Look," he said. "My regular customers don’t ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320 [medium] or a 330 [large]. The word condom won’t even be used. The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350"....The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament. " Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs" her boss told her. She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs. "Yes " she said " He's got one hanging there"....! > > The boss said "Go back in and give him £3-50p.  He's the Window cleaner.
    See 3 comments...
  • TWO  WOMEN - are having a coffee and catching up: "So, how was your evening last night?" "A disaster! replied Mary After getting back late from the pub, my dear beloved hubby wolfed down in 4 minutes the dinner that took me all afternoon to prepare, "granted" me 3 minutes of passionate love before rolling over, farting and falling asleep 2 minutes later. It was a nightmare. And you?" "Oh, mine was incredible.. My darling husband was waiting for me to get back home from work. He took me out for a very romantic dinner We then walked back home, under an amazing starry sky, along the canal, for a good two hours. Once home, he lit up all the candles and we had foreplay which lasted for an hour. We then made love for another hour and we chatted until late.. It was wonderfully sublime..." *TWO MEN (husbands of the 2 women) - meet at the pub...* "So, how was your evening last night?" "Incredible! When I came home, Mary had prepared the  dinner was just ready. I ate, we shagged and I fell asleep. Wonderful night, I just love my wife,. WHAT ABOUT YOU?" "A nightmare! I came home early to fix the kitchen shelf the wife's been nagging about. When I switched on the power drill, the fuse went out. The whole house went into darkness. Couldn't find the bloody fuse box, so when my other half arrived, I took her out for dinner. It was the only thing to do to avoid getting an earful...! The bloody dinner was so expensive that I couldn't afford a taxi, so we had to walk home. It took ages and once there, the house was still in the dark, obviously, so I had to light all these fecking candles to avoid knocking everything over! I was so wound up and pissed off that it took me an hour to get a hard-on, and another hour to finish. In the end, I was still wound up and it took me ages to fall asleep, while she kept yapping on and on about everything and nothing....... It was a feckin disaster!!!!
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 1 month ago
    From one of my walking destinations - https://www.highashfarm.com/
    See 12 comments...
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 1 month ago
    You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change....Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit! And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did! But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...it's NOT over. A new adventure will begin! Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime. So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past! "Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one. LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY! HAVE A GREAT DAY! REMEMBER:.... "It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver. "LIVE HAPPY IN THIS YEAR AND EVERY YEAR! LASTLY, CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING: TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE SO - ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS. ~Your kids are becoming you....... ~Going out is good.. Coming home is better! ~You forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!! ~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything ~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. ~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep". ~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.. ~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... "what?" . ??? ~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere. ~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!! ~What used to be freckles are now liver spots. ~Everybody whispers. ~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear. ~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!! Stay well, "OLD FRIEND!" Send this on to other "Old Friends!" and let them laugh in AGREEMENT!!! It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived.
    See 1 comment...
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 1 month ago
    FOR THOSE WHO ARE 60 yrs OLD AND ABOVE PLEASE READ THIS. This is for you. I really like what is said here and am going to try my best to follow it. Thank you to the person who wrote this. May God bless us all as we strive to be a blessing to others at this age, especially to our children. 🚩Between 60 and death. It's time to use the money you saved up. Use it and enjoy it. Don't just keep it for those who may have no notion of the sacrifices you made to get it. Remember there is nothing more dangerous than a son or daughter-in-law with big ideas for your hard-earned capital. 🚩Warning: This is also a bad time for investments, even if it seems wonderful or fool-proof. They only bring problems and worries. This is a time for you to enjoy some peace and quiet. 🚩Stop worrying about the financial situation of your children and grandchildren, and don't feel bad spending your money on yourself. You've taken care of them for many years, and you've taught them what you could. You gave them an education, food, shelter, and support. The responsibility is now theirs to earn their own money. 🚩Keep a healthy life, without great physical effort. Do moderate exercise (like walking every day), eat well, and get your sleep. It's easy to become sick, and it gets harder to remain healthy. That is why you need to keep yourself in good shape and be aware of your medical and physical needs. Keep in touch with your doctor, do tests even when you're feeling well. Stay informed. 🚩Always buy the best, most beautiful items for your significant other. The key goal is to enjoy your money with your partner. One day one of you will miss the other, and the money will not provide any comfort then, enjoy it together. 🚩Don't stress over the little things. You've already overcome so much in your life. You have good memories and bad ones, but the important thing is the present. Don't let the past drag you down and don't let the future frighten you. Feel good in the now. Small issues will soon be forgotten. 🚩Regardless of age, always keep love alive. Love your partner, love life, love your family, love your neighbor and remember: "A man is not old as long as he has intelligence and affection." 🚩Be proud, both inside and out. Don't stop going to your hair salon or barber, do your nails, go to the dermatologist and the dentist, keep your perfumes and creams well stocked. When you are well-maintained on the outside, it seeps in, making you feel proud and strong. 🚩Don’t lose sight of fashion trends for your age, but keep your own sense of style. You’ve developed your own sense of what looks good on you – keep it and be proud of it. It’s part of who you are. 🚩ALWAYS stay up-to-date. Read newspapers, watch the news. Go online and read what people are saying. Make sure you have an active email account and try to use some of those social networks. You'll be surprised at what old friends you'll meet. 🚩Respect the younger generation and their opinions. They may not have the same ideas as you, but they are the future and will take the world in their direction. Give advice, not criticism, and try to remind them that yesterday's wisdom still applies today. Never use the phrase: “In my time.” Your time is now. As long as you’re alive, you are part of this time. 🚩Some people embrace their golden years, while others become bitter and surly. Life is too short to waste your days on the latter. Spend your time with positive, cheerful people, it'll rub off on you and your days will seem that much better. Spending your time with bitter people will make you feel older and harder to be around. 🚩Do not surrender to the temptation of living with your children or grandchildren (if you have a financial choice, that is). Sure, being surrounded by family sounds great, but we all need our privacy. They need theirs and you need yours. Even then, do so only if you feel you really need the help or do not want to live by yourself 🚩Don't abandon your hobbies. If you don't have any, make new ones. You can travel, hike, cook, read, dance. You can adopt a cat or a dog, grow a kitchen garden, play cards, checkers, chess, dominoes, golf. 🚩Try to go. Get out of the house, meet people you haven't seen in a while, experience something new (or something old). The important thing is to leave the house from time to time. Go to museums, go walk through a park. Get out there. 🚩Speak in courteous tones and try not to complain or criticize too much unless you really need to. Try to accept situations as they are. 🚩Pains and discomfort go hand in hand with getting older. Try not to dwell on them but accept them as a part of life. 🚩If you've been offended by someone – forgive them. If you've offended someone-apologize. Don't drag around resentment with you. It only serves to make you sad and bitter. It doesn't matter who was right. Someone once said: "Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die." Don't take that poison. Forgive, forget, and move on with your life. 🚩Laugh. Laugh away your worries Remember, you are one of the lucky ones. You managed to have a life, a long one. Many never get to this age, never get to experience a full life. My valued friends, enjoy peaceful life at this point in your life ... Don't worry... be happy. 🥰
    See 32 comments...
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 1 month ago
    Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish in Dublin and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road. One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says: *"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."* As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don't need your lectures." From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash. Shaking his head, Father Patrick says "Dat's da terd one dis morning’." "Yaa," Sean agrees, then adds, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say …. "BRIDGE CLOSED" ?
    See 1 comment...
  • My sons dog Bella on a camping holiday
  • Ray P @RayPro Norwich updated 2 months ago
    A man goes to confession. "Forgive me father for I have sinned." He begins. "Go on my son." says the priest. "I swore the other day, in the most profane way." says the man. "Continue." says the priest. "I was on the golf course and I hit my drive, it was looking perfect, heading dead straight. About 200 yards down my ball hit a power line crossing the fairway." "And this is when you swore?" asked the priest. "No father, my ball then ricocheted of the power lines and flew off into the deep rough." said the man. "Ah, so this must have been when you swore." Said the priest. "No father, not yet. As I was walking over to the rough to hit my second shot a hawk flew down from the trees, picked my ball up in his beak and proceeded to fly off with it." continued the man. "Ahhh I see." says the priest "This MUST have been the point where you swore." "You'd thinks so but no, because as the bird flew over the green the ball fell from its mouth and landed just two feet from the hole." They both remain quiet for a few seconds, then the priest says: "You missed the bloody putt, didn't you?"
    See 2 comments...
  • An Indian named Brown Elk walked into the Irish Bar. He was a giant of a man with a six-shooter tucked into his belt, so no one dared ask why he was carrying a pail of manure in one hand and a small cat in the other: "I'll have a whiskey." He told the bartender and after downing the shot, Brown Elk, ordered another. Then another. Finally, after his fourth drink, the Indian pulled out his revolver, fired several shots into the bucket, released the cat, then ran after it. When he caught it, he returned to the bar. "E-excuse me." Said the alarmed bartender, serving him a drink on the house. "But would you mind telling me what that was all about?" "My father told me to try and be more like white man." He answered. "So, I came here to have a few drinks, shoot the shit and chase a little pussy." 🤣😂🤣😂
  • Pat and Dick were recently promoted in the army from Privates to Lance Corporals. Whilst they were out for a walk Dick says to Pat, "Hey Pat, there's the NCO's Mess. let’s step inside for a drink". Pat replies,  "But we're only Privates." Dick replies, "We're Lance Corporals now." pointing to his stripe and pulled Pat inside. After convincing Pat it was ok, they order their beers. After a couple of drinks an army lass approaches Dick and says, 'You're cute and I would love to go on a date with you but I have a bad case of gonorrhoea.'  So Dick says to Pat, " Pat, find out what Gonorrhoea is and if it’s OK give me the thumbs up." Pat does what he is asked and after looking it up in the dictionary, he gives Dick a big thumbs up sign. Three weeks later Dick is in the infirmary with a terrible case of Gonorrhoea, Dick says to Pat,  "Why the hell did you give me the big thumbs up?" Pat replies, "Well Dick, in the dictionary it said, Gonorrhoea affects only the privates and we're Lance Corporals now."

Ray P's Friends

Ray P's Loops

Loops moderated by Ray P