Ray P @RayPro Thorpe St Andrew
Thorpe St Andrew
Retired and spending the kids inheritance and so I am told apparently opinionated
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Pastime Word Associations - Select One Word from the Last Three to form another three associated wordsSee 46 CommentsOnline - Scammers - Shopping - Games -
See 8 CommentsTaken from Facebook but worthy of showing
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See 1 Comment: A man had just finished a putt and reached in the hole to get his ball, but pulled out a leprechaun! "Sure, and ye have me." Cried the leprechaun. "And if ye let me go, for yer tribble, I'll give ye three wishes!" "Thank you." Said the man. "I don't really need anything, so I'll pass on the wishes." He let the leprechaun go, and went off to finish his game. The leprechaun was dumbfounded. Who had ever heard of such a thing? He sat on a pebble and thought to himself. "Such a man as that deserves three wishes! I'll give 'em to 'im in spite of 'imself! Now what!!! Why money,of course! Everyone wants money. So, for his first wish he wants to be a Millionaire! And second-let's make him a great golfer! And last-ah! Let him have a wonderful sex life." A month went by and the leprechaun spotted the man playing on the course again. He jumped out of a hole and yelled up to the man: "How ye be doing?" The man smiled and said. "Hello, little friend. I be doing just fine." The leprechaun smiled back and said. "And how's yer money situation, if ye don't mind my asking?" "It's funny you should ask." Replied the man. "An uncle of mine passed away and left me a fortune!" "Hah! Is that so? And how's ya golf game now?" "It's an amazing thing." Said the man. "For the past few weeks I can't do worse than two under par!" "Sure and that's wonderful!" With a sly look, the leprechaun asked. "And how's yer sex life?" The man, obviously embarrassed, looked away and coughed. "Well, it's fine. Two or three times a month." The leprechaun was aghast. "Two or three times a month? That's horrible!" The man looked up and said. "Actually, it's not bad for a priest in a small parish."
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See 6 Comments“How many years of beauty do I have left? she asks me. How many more do you want? Here. Here is 34. Here is 50. When you are 80 years old and your beauty rises in ways your cells cannot even imagine now and your wild bones grow luminous and ripe, having carried the weight of a passionate life. When your hair is aflame with winter and you have decades of learning and leaving and loving sewn into the corners of your eyes and your children come home to find their own history in your face. When you know what it feels like to fail ferociously and have gained the capacity to rise and rise and rise again. When you can make your tea on a quiet and ridiculously lonely afternoon and still have a song in your heart Queen owl wings beating beneath the cotton of your sweater. Because your beauty began there beneath the sweater and the skin, remember? This is when I will take you into my arms and coo YOU BRAVE AND GLORIOUS THING you’ve come so far. I see you. Your beauty is breathtaking." ~ Jeannette Encinias
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See 38 CommentsIs it just me but can anyone fathom out what IKEA's are trying to do!, eventhe tag line makes no sense.
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See 2 CommentsThis is for you ladies!!! I recently ate at a restaurant where a table of girlfriends of a certain age were having a wonderful time, and came home and wrote this. You may recognize somebody, maybe yourself ... Lunch With Girlfriends By Kathy O’Malley Elaine’s vertigo has never been worse Kay can’t recall where she left her purse Rhonda’s about to replace her knees Linda’s breathing is tinged with a wheeze Donna's left boob has a troublesome lump Diane’s on her third trip to take a dump Lorraine’s husband can’t remember a thing Nine years a widow, Marge still wears her ring Marlene is dealing with another UTI Sally’s giving a hearing aid another try Marie has decided she can’t drive at night Sharon still wears clothes two sizes too tight They’ve been through divorces and babies and wakes They do for each other whatever it takes They’ve already buried Marcia and Kate And truthfully, Lizzie’s not looking so great So whenever they can, they get out to eat Open bottles of wine and forget their sore feet There’s laughing and crying and letting down guards And when the bill comes, there’s ten credit cards So here’s to the waiters who keep orders straight And to the places that let lunches run three hours late And here’s to the girlfriends, those near and those far Here's to the girlfriends, you know who you are!!!
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See 2 CommentsAn old Irish woman was rocking in her chair, reminiscing about the good times in her life and wondering how long she may have left, when out of no where, a fairy godmother appears. The fairy godmother told her you've led such a good life, I'm going to grant you three wishes. The old woman couldn't believe her luck and thanked the fairy godmother. The fairy godmother asked for the first wish? The old woman replied, "I've never had much money me mainly spent it on drink, I suppose I would like to be rich." POOF-the old woman's rocking chair turned into solid gold and was four times bigger. The fairy godmother asked what her second wish would be? The old woman replied, "Oh, I would very much like to be young again and look a princess. It was" POOF-the old women was transformed into the most beautiful, young and vibrant Irish princess ever. The fairy godmother asked, "and for your last wish?" Just then the old woman's cat walked by. The now young Irish princess looked at the cat and said, "I love that cat more than anyone left on this earth. Could you make him the most handsome prince ever who loves me?" POOF-there stood the most handsome noble Irishman the old woman had ever seen. Her heart fluttered as he slowly walked towards her. When he bent on one knee to whisper in her ear, she felt weak and then he said, "I bet you're sorry you got me neutered now aren't you?
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See 2 CommentsPaddy walks into his bedroom and sees his wife Colleen packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free." Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees Paddy packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a year".
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See 63 CommentsParticularly for over 60, but it applies to anyone. Very interesting info that, quite frankly, I never thought about. By: Arnaldo Liechtenstein, physician Whenever I teach clinical medicine to students in the fourth year of medicine, I ask the following question: What are the causes of mental confusion in the elderly? Some offer: "Tumors in the head". I answer: No! Others suggest: "Early symptoms of Alzheimer's". I answer No! With each rejection of their answers, their responses dry up. And they are even more open-mouthed when I list the three most common causes: - uncontrolled diabetes - urinary infection - dehydration It may sound like a joke, but it isn't. People over 60 generally stop feeling thirsty and consequently stop drinking fluids. When no one is around to remind them to drink fluids, they quickly dehydrate. Dehydration is severe and affects the entire body It may cause abrupt mental confusion, a drop in blood pressure, increased heart palpitations, angina (chest pain), coma and even death. *the habit of forgetting to drink fluids begins at age 60, when we have just over 50%of the water we should have in our bodies. People over 60 have a lower water reserve. This is part of the natural aging process.* But there are more complications. Although they are dehydrated, they don't feel like drinking water, because their internal balance mechanisms don't work very well. *Conclusion:* People over 60 years old dehydrate easily, not only because they have a smaller water supply, but also because they do not feel the lack of water in the body. Although people over 60 may look healthy, the performance of reactions and chemical functions can damage their entire body. So here are two alerts: 1) *Get into the habit of drinking liquids*. Liquids include water, juices, teas, coconut water, milk, soups, and water-rich fruits, such as watermelon, melon, peaches, and pineapple; orange and tangerine also work. *The important thing is that, every two hours, you must drink some liquid. Remember this!* 2) Alert for family members: constantly offer fluids to people over age 60. At the same time, observe them. If you realize that they are rejecting liquids and, from one day to the next, they are irritable, breathless or display a lack of attention, these are almost certainly recurrent symptoms of dehydration Inspired to drink more water now?? Send this information out to others! DO IT NOW! Your friends and family need to know for themselves and help you to be healthier and happier. It's good to share! *For people over 60*
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Dear Mum & Dad, I am very well, I hope you are too. Tell big brothers Sean, Paddy and Mick that the Army is better than working on the farm; tell them to get into the Army quick before the jobs are all gone. I was a bit slow settling down at first because you don't get out of bed until 6am, but I got used to it and I like sleeping in now. All you do before breakfast is make your bed, shine your boots and clean your uniform. No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack, nothing. Men must shave, but it’s not too bad because there's hot water and a light to see what you’re doing. For breakfast there’s cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no fillet steaks or sausages. You don't get fed again until noon, and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march', which is just like walking to the well in the meadow. This will kill Sean and Paddy with laughter but I keep getting medals for shooting!! I don’t know why because the bull’s-eye is as big as a bloody bull's head and it doesn't move and it’s not firing back at you like the Murphy’s did when our bull got their cow in calf before the Ballina show. All you have to do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - piece of piss. You don't even load your own cartridges – they come in boxes and you don't have to steady yourself against the roll bar of the tractor when you reload. Sometimes we wrestle with the city boys and I have to be very careful because they break easy - it's not like fighting with Sean, Paddy, Mick and all the other local fellas all at once like we do. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either; it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got. I've only been beaten once by this guy from Dublin - he's 6 foot 8 and 120 kilos so he’s a good bit bigger than me but I fought to the end. I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets out how good it is. Your loving daughter, Siobhàn.
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Dear Mum & Dad, I am very well, I hope you are too. Tell big brothers Sean, Paddy and Mick that the Army is better than working on the farm; tell them to get into the Army quick before the jobs are all gone. I was a bit slow settling down at first because you don't get out of bed until 6am, but I got used to it and I like sleeping in now. All you do before breakfast is make your bed, shine your boots and clean your uniform. No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack, nothing. Men must shave, but it’s not too bad because there's hot water and a light to see what you’re doing. For breakfast there’s cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no fillet steaks or sausages. You don't get fed again until noon, and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march', which is just like walking to the well in the meadow. This will kill Sean and Paddy with laughter but I keep getting medals for shooting!! I don’t know why because the bull’s-eye is as big as a bloody bull's head and it doesn't move and it’s not firing back at you like the Murphy’s did when our bull got their cow in calf before the Ballina show. All you have to do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - piece of piss. You don't even load your own cartridges – they come in boxes and you don't have to steady yourself against the roll bar of the tractor when you reload. Sometimes we wrestle with the city boys and I have to be very careful because they break easy - it's not like fighting with Sean, Paddy, Mick and all the other local fellas all at once like we do. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either; it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got. I've only been beaten once by this guy from Dublin - he's 6 foot 8 and 120 kilos so he’s a good bit bigger than me but I fought to the end. I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets out how good it is. Your loving daughter, Siobhàn.
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See 1 CommentThree men, an english man, an Irishman and a Jamaican are in the maternity ward waiting for their wives to give birth. The midwife comes out and congratulates them, announcing that they were all now fathers of beautiful healthy baby boys. However they was a problem. They were all born very close together and in the mad rush they all got mixed up. So she asked if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblances, traits etc. Paddy says he'll go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby.The rastaman looks confused, "Excuse me", he said, "but do you think that one might be mine?" "Probably", said Paddy , "but one of them in there's English, and I'm takin' no feckin chances !!!!!"
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See 2 CommentsAfter nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...
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After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...
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Father Flynn: “Is it true?” Old Seamus : “Aye it is.” Father Flynn: “You’re marrying young Mary, from the corner shop?!!” Old Seamus : “Aye. I am!” Father Flynn : “But you’re 83 years old,and she’s only 18. It could be dangerous!!” Old Seamus: “True. If she dies, she dies”..... [A few months pass] Old Seamus: “Now me and Mary are wed,we’re thinking of starting a family” Father Flynn: “At your age I’d seriously consider getting a lodger” Old Seamus: “Okay” [A few months pass] Father Flynn: “Mornin Seamus, and how is Mary?” Old Seamus : “Bejeezus, She’s pregnant!!” Father Flynn: “Well that’s marvellous, and the lodger?”….. Old Seamus: “She’s pregnant too!!!”……
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See 5 CommentsA woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: " Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome .. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking BA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "BA?" exclaimed the hairdresser.. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it..." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me" "Oh, really! What'd he say ?" He said: "Who the F*** did your hair?"
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A woman is throwing a big Party for her Granddaughter, and had gone all out... a Caterer, a Band, and even hired a Clown. Just before the Party started, two old Tramps showed up looking for a free handout, feeling sorry for the old guys, the woman told them that she would give them a good meal if they will help chop some wood for her. Gratefully, they headed to the Rear of the House. The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After an half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck as the A9 was closed due to a RTA and would probably NOT make the party at all. The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the old tramps doing cartwheels an back flips across the Lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air. She spoke to the other tramp and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party..???? I would pay him £250"...! The other guy says, . . . "Well, I Dunno.. Let me ask him".."HEY CHARLIE. FOR £250, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE"..??? 📷
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See 1 CommentA woman is throwing a big Party for her Granddaughter, and had gone all out... a Caterer, a Band, and even hired a Clown. Just before the Party started, two old Tramps showed up looking for a free handout, feeling sorry for the old guys, the woman told them that she would give them a good meal if they will help chop some wood for her. Gratefully, they headed to the Rear of the House. The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After an half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck as the A9 was closed due to a RTA and would probably NOT make the party at all. The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the old tramps doing cartwheels an back flips across the Lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air. She spoke to the other tramp and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party..???? I would pay him £250"...! The other guy says, . . . "Well, I Dunno.. Let me ask him".."HEY CHARLIE. FOR £250, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE"..??? 📷
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5yr old Paulie was playing with his new trainset ...His mum was in the kitchen thinking what a little cutie her son was. Then the train stopped and she heard him say, all you bastard's that wanna get off, get your stuff and hurry up.... All you bastard's that wanna get on hurry up and put your stuff under the seats. Mum stormed into the room , and said go to your room for 2hrs, do not come out till you can play nicely with your train with no swearing. When he was allowed out his room he carried on playing. Mum was in the kitchen listening. He said , all the passenger's that wants to disembark please remember your item's, and thankyou for traveling with us today.... All the passenger's that want to embark please put your items under the seat, and enjoy your journey. Mum smiled and thought that's the sweet little boy I know. .. Paulie then added if anyone needs to complain that we are running late, see the fat controller in the bloody kitchen.
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See 9 CommentsVery clever, but possible. Another good watch. https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=259411679208818
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My Freddie RIP, and waiting for my new one to go a rusty brown
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See 10 CommentsThis had me in stitches, make sure you watch it with sound, it is in English. https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=459539628471209
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Ah well, all's well that ends well A multi-millionaire Irish businessman and his wife are enjoying an anniversary meal at a posh restaurant when a beautiful young blonde walks up to the man, kisses him passionately and whispers into his ear “See you later, you naughty boy” The wife says “What the hell? Who was that?” Husband replies “That was my mistress.” Livid, the woman says “Your mistress? Your mistress? Are you serious? I want a divorce!” The man says “Ok, but bear in mind if we get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to New York, no vacations on the Riviera, no Mercedes in the garage and no more jewelry from Tiffany’s.” As he is talking, his best friend Eamon walks through the restaurant with a beautiful young brunette on his arm. The wife asks “Who is that woman with Eamon?” The husband says” That's his mistress” The wife stares at her for a second and remarks “Ours is prettier!”..
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After 35 years of marriage, Seamus and his wife Mary decided they needed counselling. When asked what the problem was, Mary went into a tirade, listing every problem they had ever had,in the years they had been married. On and on,she went ,neglect,lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs that she felt, she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, Walked around the desk,and after asking Mary to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately, as Seamus sat dumbfounded in amazement,with a raised eyebrow. That shut Mary up,and she quietly sat down, in a dizzy dreamy daze. Then the therapist turned to Seamus and said, "This is what your wife must have at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?" Seamus, Thought for a while,then said “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I play Golf all day on Fridays.”....
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See 2 CommentsPlays tunes on wine glasses as it goes - its very impressive https://fb.watch/4HjsDP_es4/
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See 4 CommentsCome Home To Be With Me I stood beside your bed last night; I came to have a peep; I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep. I whined to you so softly as you brushed away a tear, "it's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here." I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea; You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me. I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore, I longed to take your parcels; I wish I could do more. I was with you at my grave today, you tend it w1th such care; I want to reassure you that I'm not ly1 ng there. I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for your key. I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "it's me." You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair; I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there. It's possible for me to be so near you every day, To say to you with certainty "I never went away." You sat there very quietly, then I smiled; I think you knew.... In the stillness of the evening, I was very close to you. The day is over.... I smile and watch you yawning, And say "goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning." And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide, I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side. I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see; Be patient live your journey out.... Then come home to be with me. Jean and Alan Evans
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As a young lad Paddy asked Grandpa Sullivan, "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?" "Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the Paddy begins drinking coffee and doing the same. 90 years pass and Paddy finally dies having reached the age of 102. He left behind 5 kids, 18 grandkids, 43 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
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