Asda are out of stock of half cucumbers but have whole ones - never heard of knives ?

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdWccHd4/

This foursome has teed off every Saturday morning for the past three years. One of the guys was a most remarkable player. He would play left-handed for a couple of weeks, and the next week he would play right-handed with equal skill.

His one annoying fault was that every couple of months or so he would be twenty minutes late to tee off.

One morning, after this guy had landed his second shot just two feet from the pin, one of the others said. "I can't stand it any longer! Jesse, what's with switching sides, right to left? Why do you do that?"

"Well, I tell ya. Every Saturday morning when I wake up, I turn over and look at my wife in the bed next to me. If she's sleeping on her right side, then I tee off right-handed. If she's on her left side, then I play left-handed."

"A Ha! But what if she's on her back?"

"That's when I'm twenty minutes late!"

Excuse the language

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdWcmaQw/

I will be keeping mine on 😳

I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder." 😁

The Anti Vax brigade are still at it!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-57928647.amp

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/flash-floods-leave-cars-underwater-24613513

Looks terrifying.

Has anyone signed up for theirs. I have! It wasn’t the easiest thing to do
After putting in all my details in it then asked me to make a video saying some numbers they sent me by text. (Identification verification) . Not everyone will have to do this.
I have my ‘bar code’ ( QR code) pass until the end of August. Don’t know what happens after that - maybe it automatically renews if I continue doing regular lateral flow tests! Or maybe just relies on my two vaccines.

Edit: update
I now know that the online date automatically updates every time you sign in to the nhs app. So no need to renew.

A young lady decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the girl begins to slip from the saddle, in terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip, she tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horses' pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...the Shopping Mall manager sees her and switches the horse off.

How is the weather in your area? Here it has been grey like Autumn for a few days. Sometimes the sun tries to break through but not strong enough.
Last evening I noticed -no- birds around only the pigeons cooing which drives me b..... crazy. It was very eery. Reminded me of when we had an eclipse.
What do you think?

My thoughts are the same....

Don't do it Harry - that's my advice to Prince Harry on publishing his memoirs.

Oh Harry, I used to be hot-headed like you, wanting to take revenge on those who had shown me injustice. I'd go like a bull in a china shop, ignoring wise advice from those who see the bigger picture and the long-term effects.

Sadly, while it feels good to "release your truth", ultimately, it's the people you love who get hurt. Harry, as a father of two, please don't deny them a relationship with their wider family members just because you have an axe to grind.

Please only share your truth from a place of happiness, consolidation and maturity. To launch a book which could cause embarrassment for our Queen in the year of her Platinum Jubilee celebrations is just not cool.

Put your family first.

Pat and Dick were recently promoted in the army from Privates to Lance Corporals.
Whilst they were out for a walk Dick says to Pat, "Hey Pat, there's the NCO's Mess. let’s step inside for a drink". Pat replies,  "But we're only Privates."

Dick replies, "We're Lance Corporals now." pointing to his stripe and pulled Pat inside. After convincing Pat it was ok, they order their beers.

After a couple of drinks an army lass approaches Dick and says, 'You're cute and I would love to go on a date with you but I have a bad case of gonorrhoea.'  So Dick says to Pat, " Pat, find out what Gonorrhoea is and if it’s OK give me the thumbs up."
Pat does what he is asked and after looking it up in the dictionary, he gives Dick a big thumbs up sign.

Three weeks later Dick is in the infirmary with a terrible case of Gonorrhoea, Dick says to Pat,  "Why the hell did you give me the big thumbs up?"

Pat replies, "Well Dick, in the dictionary it said, Gonorrhoea affects only the privates and we're Lance Corporals now."

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.

Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. For dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further add to his stress.

Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse.

Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs.

Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim.

If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your Husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

One of these I bought from the garden centre, the other I raised from seed.......I'm sure you can guess which is which

A welcome to all diners who wish to have a meal at the Great British restaurant, here is the menu :-

Starter :-

Unbelievable incompetent Management to the detriment of the nation and population.

A national debt that is second only to the USA in the entire World, of £2.08 Trillion.

Main course :-

Uncontrolled benefits generosity in excess of £200 Billion per year.

An obsession legacy of Empire and power, that has long gone.

An attitude to look after everybody else in the World before UK citizens.

An annual Foreign Aid budget of £12-14 Billion, second only to the USA, to the detriment of UK domestic services and welfare.

A complete disregard for UK people, their prosperity, welfare and social services.

The deployment of UK military personnel at monumental cost to the taxpayer, to be killed and maimed in conflicts that are none of our business.

The astronomic expense of keeping the Royal family in excruciating luxury, only surpassed by the last Tzar of Russia. The total inclusive cost to the UK taxpayer of keeping these Royal fossils is around £300 Million per year.

The Queen is given an annual sum of £40 Million per year.

Dessert :-

Uncontrolled Immigration letting anybody into our country regardless of medical checks and legality, resulting in 15%+ of our population being of foreign origin, mostly Asian or African. Cultures alien to Britain.

Uncontrolled entrance to Asylum Seekers, European migrant workers and any flotsam that happens to arrive on our shores.

Turning a blind eye to illegal immigrants due to the problem having got out of hand.

The complete destruction of our national traditions and heritage.

Coffee :-

Just about anything else that gives our money away to those who do not deserve it, over-crowds our small country and completes the destruction of a previously proud and powerful nation.

After-meal summary :-

If anybody wishes to complete their days in British comfort, they must live in a remote area, free from desecration, in the remaining remnants of our ravaged land, have no TV and be devoid of newspapers. Only then perhaps can one achieve a virtual sniff of traditional British life as it was and still should be, by behaving like an Ostrich.

Enjoy your meal.

July 2021 : $1.38 = £1

______________

Will you be watching the opening ceremony today and following the games

https://news.sky.com/story/tokyo-olympics-japan-prepares-for-opening-ceremony-as-pm-vows-to-fulfil-our-obligation-to-the-world-12361747

https://news.sky.com/story/coastguard-urges-people-to-stay-safe-after-nine-deaths-in-10-days-at-uk-beaches-12361441

A man walks into the doctors with a piece of lettuce poking from his backside.

The doctor examines him and says is that all that's wrong with you?

The man replies "No doc..... I'm afraid that's just the tip of the iceberg"

Someone with nothing better to do, at Leeds Council, has realised it doesn't come from Yorkshire.
https://www.leeds-live.co.uk/news/leeds-news/leeds-council-investigates-yorkshire-tea-21104257
I have no words except, what do they expect todays owners of Yorkshire Tea to do about it?

... It was an accident, nobody was unlawfully killed!

Verdict from inquest jury.

Information from BBC TV News.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-57721493.amp

On their way to the church to get married, a young couple were involved in  a fatal car accident.
Being good the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him.
St Peter said: "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.
After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 
"Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in Heaven”.
"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
"You must be bloody joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple”.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted
"It took me three months to find a priest up here .....
Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

I am giving away all my hobby materials, as I no longer have the desire to do anything with them. It is a lot of work with very little recognition. I am extremely tired and have very little time to use them ...

Please don't ask any questions, as I can't handle talking about it anymore. Below is a list of materials available.

Serious enquiries only please.

Thanks for reading and understanding.

Pick up only.

1. Dustpan and broom

2. Sponges

3. Dusters

4. Mop and bucket

5. Window cleaner

6. Vacuum

7. Dishwashing liquid

8. Laundry detergent

9. Fabric softener

10. Laundry baskets

11. Toilet brush

12. Cleaning sprays

13. Scrubbing brushes

Private message me if interested...

The BBC are reporting that there are huge backlogs of licence applications.

Last week I filled out my compulsory age related re-licence application online.

As my council use driving licences as a proof of address when using the recycling centre, I withheld sending my old licence as I hadn't got a clue how long it would be before I could hold a licence in my hand.

On Monday my replacement licence dropped through my letterbox, it took 5 days, including a weekend.

If you need to contact the DVLA, do it online if you are able. Then you can ignore the news stories about delays.

(My old licence has been chopped in half and returned to Swansea, how long they take to destroy it is down to them.)

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-57916619.amp

because of this Woke statement.
https://www.benjerry.com/about-us/media-center/palestine-statement

This is interesting, and follows my line of thinking.
https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/who-cares-what-ben-jerry-s-think-about-the-israel-palestine-conflict-

Couple of things I read in the paper yesterday.
The EU are insisting on Spanish guards on both sides of the Spain - Gibraltar border.
Garages are being told they have to use the more expensive branded manufacturer recommended spare parts . They can no longer use cheaper spares, meaning drivers paying up to £100 higher prices.

It’s already worrying staff and we’re only just at the start of public responsibility

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-57836137

China

https://news.sky.com/story/underground-train-fills-with-water-as-part-of-china-suffers-heaviest-rain-in-1-000-years-12359980

I didn’t know this about Wedding Gifts given to royalty.

https://www.rd.com/article/prince-harry-meghan-markle-wedding-gifts/

Loads of charities gain.

Did you receive or write any?

I don't know how this will look on SL as the file I was given is 1 min 59 secs long and SL only displays 1 min 30 secs.

This is a demonstration of what robots can do at the moment, which is a whole lot more than I ever could.

I've just been told of a 3 minute video on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn3KWM1kuAw

I am hearing rumbles and getting excited, BBC forecast thunderstorms from 2 pm but kept putting the forecast back,

This is spot on lol

At least 430 migrants crossed the English Channel to the UK on Monday - a new record for a single day - the Home Office has said.

The department said it was taking "substantial steps to tackle the unacceptable problem of illegal migration".

Around 50 people were seen landing on the beach at Dungeness in Kent after crossing in one dinghy.

The group included women and young children.

It comes after eight boats carrying 241 migrants reached the UK on Sunday.

On Tuesday, there were further beach landings at Dungeness and Dover, further along the coast.

I always get confused about people's nationality.

For example, I have English parents but if I'd been born in, say, France or Spain would I still be English?

If my parents were working in another country and registered my birth in that county would I be English?

Could I be born abroad but registered in England and be English?

An older couple has returned home to the town in which they grew up and dated and eventually got married. They are driving around looking at the changes which have taken place in town when all of a sudden they come to one of their old hang out spots, which appears not to have changed at all. The wife says, "sweetheart, lets do the same thing we did here forty years ago!"

The husband stops the car, his wife backs against the fence, and he immediately leaps at her like a magnet attracting another.

They make love like never before. She is SCREAMING and GYRATING and SHAKING uncontrollably and when it is over, much to her husband's surprise, she faints!

After he revives her and gets her back into the car, the husband, quite astounded says: "darling', you sure never moved like that forty years ago-or anytime since that I can remember."

The women, gasping for breath, finally able to speak, says: "Forty years ago that friggin' fence wasn't electrified!"

The Government has announced plans to make it illegal for people to write or host fake reviews.

Which? Has said the plans should be "swiftly implemented".

Have you ever been caught out by fake reviews?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-57887035.amp

Actual racist comments aimed at Rashford, Saka and Sancho after the Euro final.
All the other abusive comments were mostly based on football rivalry.
Even the graffiti on Rashfords mural wasn't racist, according to the police.

So Prince Harry is writing his Memoirs. Lovely. I am sure it will be a fair,unbiased account of life leaving the royal family. Who will be buying ?