A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassingly.
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."
He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the lady responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?
One male parrot says to the other:- “Put the beads away Francis, all our prayers have been answered.”
AnnaX @AnnaX
Thames Ditton
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Retired teacher, travel a bit now , like music, theatre, films and arts. Buddhist for 20+ years. Moved here 2 years ago, sometimes take English groups for 11+ in holidays.
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Although l have no sympathy for Netanyahu but am sad about any innocent children being killed, l feel protests against Israel today should be stopped today. Anger as woman filmed cutting down ribbons from London memorial for Israeli hostages She appeared to suggest memorial was 'condoning genocide', as she took the action on eve of October 7 attacks anniversary -
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The Diagnosis A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry is 61 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?" The younger doctor continued writing, and without looking up and said, "Does she still have the hiccups? -
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Two women are walking their dogs, one a German Shepherd and one a Pekingese, down the road when they smell something delicious from a restaurant nearby. “Shall we get some lunch?” the first woman says. The second woman looks at her skeptically. “They’ll never let us bring our dogs in the restaurant.” “Don’t worry,” the first woman replies. “I have a plan.” She then puts on a pair of dark glasses and goes into the restaurant, behaving as though the German Shepherd is her seeing eye dog, and no one is the wiser. Inspired by her friend’s clever plan, the second woman puts on a pair of dark glasses and goes inside. The head waiter takes one look at her and says, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t allow dogs in here.” “But, you don’t understand,” the second woman says. “This is my seeing eye dog.” “Is it now?” the head waiter says incredulously. “Seeing eye dogs are supposed to be German Shepherds.” The woman then exclaims, “You mean….it’s not?” -
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I am old, and I just realized I still have so many unanswered questions. I never found out who let the Dogs Out...where's the beef...how to get to Sesame Street... why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps...why eggs are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed... why "abbreviated" is such a long word... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections... and, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where's that extra penny going to... why do "The Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs... and just what is Victoria's secret? -
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2 guys met in a bar. Shared a few drinks and lots of stories. Suddenly, one guy looked at his watch ans exclaimed; Hell I have to leave, Pronto. Otherwise my wife will get upset and make my life hell. So the second guy said; Tell me, how you go home. The first guy said; I drive home, stop on the driveway QUIETLY. Close the car door QUIETLY. Walk on the lawn as rhe gravel track is too NOISY. I open the front door QUIETLY. QUIETLY I walk down the passage to the bedroom. When I get there all hell break loose!!!!! Naah, the second guy said; That's wrong. Stop with screetching brakes. Slam ths door. And if you walk down the pastageregte singing, I'm In The Mood for LOVE. I guarantee you your wife will sleep soundly until Sunrise Tomorrow…….. -
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Normally we go up to London quite often but due to health problems between my husband or myself, we have missed our outings. So in Time Out it stated:- Every year, a bunch of smart people at the Economist Intelligence Unit put their heads together to analyse 173 cities across the world and rank them based on their living conditions for the Global Liveability Index. This year, it’s not great news for Londoners – the Big Smoke is officially a worse place to live than it was last year . It’s not all bad, though. London still got an overall score of 89.2 out of 100, which puts its into the highest tier of liveability. -
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I have been in pain around the groin area so have been to see my G.P. She has a sense of humour as asked me if l wanted the bad news or the bad news. The first bad news was she thought l needed a new hip. So I asked her about the other bad news, she answered you probably need 2 new hips one on each side. Hilarious 😢 -
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So my hair has gone blond ( grey ) , my eyebrows have a few grey hairs too ( covered up) and there is some grey hair elsewhere. However my eyelashes are jet black still. Does everyone keep the original colour of their eyelashes or have any of you got grey/ white ones? Men or women can look and let me know please, it’s been bothering me for at least 3 hours. 😃 -
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A married couple were fast asleep in Hampton court when the phone suddenly rang at 3 AM. The wife groggily picked up, listened for a moment, then snapped, “How should I know? We’re 200 miles from the ocean!” before slamming the phone down. Her husband, now awake, mumbled, “Who was that?” Still half-asleep, the wife grumbled, “No idea. Some idiot asking if the coast was clear.” -
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Perhaps American politician volunteers come here but not sure it’s a good idea. The Trump campaign alleged that in recent weeks, Labour recruited and sent party members to campaign for his opponent, Kamala Harris, in critical battleground states in a bid to influence the 5 November . “This past week marked the 243 anniversary of the surrender of British forces at the Battle of Yorktown, a military victory that ensured that the United States would be politically independent of Great Britian” – an incorrect rendering of “Britain”. In response, UK prime minister Keir Starmer said that party officials volunteering for Harris ahead of the US presidential election on 5 November.
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