A Dogs Plea to God
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
The litter box is not a cookie jar.
The sofa is not a ”face towel.”
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello.
I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt on the carpet.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
The litter box is not a cookie jar.
The sofa is not a ”face towel.”
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello.
I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt on the carpet.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
